can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
