He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
