Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
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I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
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Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.