I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?