yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
