Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
