Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
