I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
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Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
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Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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