this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
