hotel room ftw
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
