just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
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hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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