he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
