how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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