Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
