I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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