I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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