Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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