she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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