So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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