i permit you to call me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
