just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize