I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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