So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
