goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
