well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
