Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize