Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
