Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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