For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
