I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This baby is an asshole
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
