I feel like abortions should bother me more
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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