They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Also, beer. Big fan.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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