The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
