I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So much Jack, so little girl.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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