im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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