She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
