a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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