you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
