the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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