Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
