I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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