He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's blow job season.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I believe in your delicious
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
