I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
