She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
