why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
