Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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