I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
