she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the day after is always just damage control
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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