I want to make a zoo with you.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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