there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
then he tried to convert me to islam
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
