Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
