I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
