after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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