I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
