Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
