Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
me + whiskey = a bad person
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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