She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
