woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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