Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
