just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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