Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
