I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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