Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
