I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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