Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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