foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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