you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
